SYDNEY HARBOUR — Professional jealousy reached a boiling point in the Rose Bay shipping channel this morning. Sources confirm that the owner of a triple-deck, Italian-made superyacht—complete with a helicopter pad and a crew of six—was seen “visibly vibrating with rage” as a teenager in a dented aluminium tinnie pulled a trophy-sized flathead over the gunwale just ten meters away.

“I’ve got a gyroscopic stabilizer and a wine cellar, and all I’ve caught is a discarded plastic bag and a slight tan,” muttered the yacht owner through a megaphone. Meanwhile, the teenager, whose entire vessel is worth less than the yacht’s anchor winch, was seen using a $20 Kmart rod and a piece of leftover ham as bait.

NSW Maritime has reportedly received a formal complaint from the yacht owner requesting a “Minimum Net Worth” requirement for successful fishing spots.

More to come.