SYDNEY HARBOUR — Professional jealousy reached a boiling point in the Rose Bay shipping channel this morning. Sources confirm that the owner of a triple-deck, Italian-made superyacht—complete with a helicopter pad and a crew of six—was seen “visibly vibrating with rage” as a teenager in a dented aluminium tinnie pulled a trophy-sized flathead over the…
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PORT HACKING — Following a review of the NSW Boating Safety Handbook, officials have announced that standard Level 50 PFDs are “simply not enough.” Starting next month, all solo paddlers must be encased in 14th-century gothic plate armour. “We want to ensure that if a Great White or a particularly curious bull shark decides to…
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CRONULLA — A local flathead enthusiast has entered his fourth day of “meteorological paralysis” as he waits for a consensus between WillyWeather, Seabreeze, BoM, and a particularly reliable arthritic knee belonging to his neighbor. Dave “No-Show” Thompson reportedly had his boat hitched to his Hilux since Tuesday, but remains stationary due to a “deeply concerning”…
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