BROKEN HILL — Local man Trevor ‘Salty’ Jenkins (58) has once again been spotted performing a full cut-and-polish on his 19-foot Haines Hunter, despite the nearest body of navigable water currently being a cracked clay pan with a median depth of “damp.”

Witnesses say Trevor spent six hours applying premium marine-grade wax to the fiberglass, occasionally squinting at the horizon as if expecting a tidal wave to roll down Argent Street. “You’ve got to stay ready,” Trevor told reporters while buffing a rail. “The Bureau says there’s a 5% chance of a shower in October. If that hits the catchment right, I want this girl sliding through the red mud like a greased pig.”

The boat, currently parked on a trailer that has been fused to the driveway by sun-baked bull dust, is reportedly the most aerodynamic object in the street. Neighbors have started using the boat’s shadow as a sundial, noting that Trevor’s “pre-launch” checks now include vacuuming out mummified huntsman spiders and evicted goannas.

More to come.