LAKE CONJOLA — In a desperate bid to preserve their sanity ahead of the Easter long weekend, residents of Lake Conjola have successfully “erased” the local boat ramp from the physical world. Using a combination of Kmart artificial foliage, three bags of mulch, and a very official-looking sign that reads “DANGER: Migratory Snail Mating Zone,” the ramp has been effectively camouflaged.

“If the tourists can’t see the concrete, they can’t sink their 300-series LandCruisers in the drink,” said one local, who was busy hot-gluing a fake frond to a bollard. “Last year we had a three-hour wait just to launch a canoe. This year, we’re telling everyone the lake has been decommissioned for essential fish-scale maintenance. So far, four Jet Skis have turned around and headed back to Milton.”

NSW Maritime has reportedly sent an inspector to investigate the “new wetland,” but he was unable to find it after being redirected by a local pointing toward a decoy ramp made of cardboard in a nearby cow paddock.

More to come.